It's Not Your Fault
by DancingQueensStories
Summary: An Alternate Version of Shadows are Falling and Free Falling!


In this version Nate Desmond doesn't disturb their time to mourn their baby and Julia didn't kick William out! Enjoy!

….

(Murdoch's Suite)

Julia is coming out of the bathroom in her nightie. William is standing by her side of the bed with a glass of water in his hand. He puts it down on her side table and helps her to bed. He asks her if she wants tea or a sherry but she says she just wants to sleep.

He finishes tucking her in, and is about to leave her side when she grabs his hand and looks at him,

"can you just lay with me for a while until I fall asleep?"

William nods and Julia scoots over. William takes off his shoes and loosens his tie and shirt. He lays behind her, but doesn't touch her. She reaches over to him and grabs his right arm and wraps it around her waist. No words were spoken, just silence, but that was what they needed. Within a few minutes Julia fell asleep. William carefully took his arm from her waist and quietly got up from the bed. He headed to the bathroom to get his pajamas on.

While in the bathroom, he sees the christening gown laying nice folded in one of the drawers. Julia had bought the gown a week ago. He grabs the gown in his hands, looks at it and sobs. He begins praying for Mary. He couldn't believe it, that they were going to have a little girl. A week ago, Julia told him, she thought they were having a boy, but she didn't care boy or girl at least it was healthy. William was still crying when he hears Julia screaming for him.

"WILLIAM?! WILLIAM! HELP ME!"

William puts the gown back in the drawer into the bedroom. He sees Julia, and she's still sleeping but screaming and her arms are frailing the all over place. William goes to the bed and grabs her.

"Julia, Julia, wake up…wake up…I'm here."

She wakes up and clutches onto William and begins sobbing.

"It's alright…I'm here." He places her in his lap, kisses her forehead and rocks her like a child. He continued rocking her until her sobs settled down, and then finally broke the silence.

"nightmare?" she nodded still not looking at him.

"want to talk about it?"

"no, just hold me and never let me go." She said holding onto him even tighter.

"always" is all he said

He continued rocking her until she fell back asleep. Still holding onto her, he grabbed their pillows and placed them behind him and lay down along with her.

(Morning)

William woke up and looked around with no Julia in sight. He got up and saw she was sitting on the couch with her legs up to her chest. He went toward her and said her name. She looked up with her face red from crying, holding onto the christening gown. He waits for a response from her. She puts out her hand and he grabs it and sits beside her. She cuddles up to him and finally begins to speak.

"I'm ready to tell you about the nightmare." She says while looking at him.

He nods

"I was strapped on an operating table; I didn't know where I was but the doctor who did my abortion was there and he was…wa…s."

She begins crying again but stops "he was killing her. He was killing our Mary. He opened me up and killed her in from of me. I tried to save her but couldn't. I tried screaming for you but you didn't come."

She begins crying into his shoulder and he caresses her cheek.

"I am here now, Julia."

She nods

"I contacted Miss Clark and told her I was a failure."

"what? Julia you're not a failure and this wasn't your fault."

"Then who's was it, William?"

William was about to speak when there was a knock on the door.

"stay put, I'll get it"

He gets up and looks through the peep hole and sees Miss Clark. He opens the door.

"Miss Clark, uh this is the bes…"

Julia gets up and touches his arm.

"its ok, William, why don't you get ready for the day."

He gives her an _are you sure_ look.

She nods.

He leaves and goes into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Julia leans against the wall while talking to Miss Clark.

"I wanted to see how you were faring. It's not the outcome you were hoping for."

Julia shakes her head, "no…no, indeed it wasn't. I am sorry I had to tell you this sad news. I am a failure to you."

"scientific endeavors will entail failures. Setbacks are to be expected."

"in this case particularly."

Miss Clark looks confused "I'm not sure I understand."

"given my complicated medical history, you might've anticipated failure. It's a wonder you allowed me to proceed." Julia said with anger in her voice.

William was hearing the whole conversation but was hoping Miss Clark would just leave.

"well, you yourself made a strong case for being a subject."

"I was entirely biased! You shouldn't have let me!"

"this experiment is at the forefront…"

Julia through a fist at the wall, "PLEASE, STOP CALLING IT AN EXPERIMENT! THIS WAS MY CHILD!"

William ran out towards her and Julia put her arms around him and sobbed.

"Miss Clark, best you leave right now." William said with anger in his voice.

Miss Clark looks down, "I have said something wrong. I do apologize." She turns around and leaves and closes the door.

William and Julia still held onto each other both crying.

"she called our baby and experiment."

William nodded "I know I heard. That was very inconsiderate of her."

Julia still sobbing "I don't want you to go to work, William."

"I'm not Julia. I called the inspector and he gave us a couple of days off."

"Good. I need you with me." She looked up at him, "give me a kiss William."

He leans and gives her a gentle, comforting kiss.

They hug again for several minutes.

William broke the silence, "but Julia you need to know this wasn't your fault."

"I know it's not, William…I think it was Miss Hart."

William looked at her with a confused and surprised look, "what, Julia?"

"last week, when Miss Hart guesses I was with child, she gave me a glass of water. But the water tasted funny."

"funny, how Julia?'

"the water she gave me tasted odd."

"Julia, don't be ridic…"

"I'm not being ridiculous, William. I am going to call Rebecca to test my water glass. She's down in Toronto for the week and she knows where the spare key is."

William nods and rubs his forehead

"William, please believe me. Miss Hart has been acting strange the last couple of weeks and it seems she wants my job. Plus she's trying to finish her studies by the end of the month."

"ok, Julia, I'll also call George to see if we can get a background check on her."

"thank you, William" she kisses him again.

(2 weeks later)

Julia's instinct was right; Miss Hart poisoned her water and gave her silphium. (an actual drug women used to take to give themselves a miscarriage back in the early 1900's) Miss Hart was jealous of Julia and how accomplished of a woman she was and had a supportive husband. She admitted she tried to makes moves on William, but he didn't take the hint and he only had eyes for his Julia. Miss Hart was sent to the asylum, then sentence to hang. The day of the hanging Miss Hart admitted she didn't regret nothing and hoped Julia gets what she deserves.

(One Month Later)

Julia had been feeling so depressed and a failure to William. She was still out of work most of the time. Rebecca came back to help in the morgue while she was through her mourning. William tried to reassure her he loved her and if they didn't have a child it didn't matter.

She decided to go for a walk to the travel agency and book a ticket somewhere. She decided Paris but she booked a ticket for just one. She feels a failure to William and knows he deserves more.

William got home and was about to tell her about the recent case when he saw the suitcases on the couch.

"you're leaving?"

She didn't say anything, just gave him a _yes_ look.

"I know we have been both hurt Julia for the last month. But Julia these past 3 years we have been married have been the best years of my life."

She looked at him, "and that's enough for you, William?"

He approaches her "I told you before, if we never have a child, it doesn't matter. I will always be happy with just us together, forever. Your love means more to me, than everything."

She gets up with tears in her eyes, "William?"

"please, don't go."

She approaches him, "I won't. I'll tear the ticket up."

William shakes his head, "no."

"no?" Julia gives him a confused look

"let's buy another one."

"oh" she says and grabs his face and kisses him. He kisses back and they hug for several minutes.

They buy another ticket but exchange her ticket to South America. They spend 3 months traveling from one place to another and even meeting up with Ruby and renewing their wedding vows on New Year's Eve. While in South America they contacted Frank Lloyd Wright and asked him to build them a house. When they got back the house was almost done but still needed a month or two to get ready. They begin packing up their things in the suite, and sending them to the house whenever they got a chance.

They were home for two months, when Julia got really sick and William was concerned about her. Julia thought she got the cancer her mother got when she was little. William reassured her if the results come back that its cancer; he would be there for her and support the choices, if she chooses treatments. But the results came back with exciting news, she was 3 ½ months pregnant. Miss Clark told her the hormone treatments may have still been in her system, but she didn't have no more side effects from the treatments. William and her know they conceived naturally on the night they renewed their wedding vows.

6 months later they welcomed healthy twins a boy they named Daniel William and a little girl they named Susannah Elizabeth after William's sister and Julia's mother.

The End


End file.
